How Sleep Hygiene Has Served Me in Recovery
Sleep is a fundamental need for human survival. It’s ranked at the very top with food, water, and air. We cannot live without these needs being met. So what do we do when sleep presents triggers in our recovery journey?
Sleep should be a time of restoration, but when you’re on the road to recovery and you struggle with sleep-related things (i.e. sexual or disturbing dreams, being in bed, etc.), it can feel like you’re preparing for battle instead of rest.
How are you supposed to relax and enter a state of rest, while also being on guard against your own mind?
Every recovery journey is as unique as the woman on it, but through my personal struggles with sleep, these are some things I’ve discerned about how to support myself—the changes I’ve made and the habits I’ve acquired and still practice today.
In the morning…
Upon waking I immediately thank God for a new day. Beginning the day with gratitude and prayer helps ground me in God’s love.
I get out of bed promptly. Lingering in my cozy bed, still sleepy, is a trigger for me.
To help signal to my brain, “we’re up, the day has started!” I open my curtains to let in natural light.
Once up, I make my bed so I’m not tempted to crawl back under the covers. I’ve also found that seeing a made bed in a tidy room brings me a sense of accomplishment and peace.
During the day…
I limit my caffeine intake and abstain from it entirely in the afternoon and evening. I’ve found it has a huge negative impact on my sleep; if I have caffeine later in the day, I’m wired and restless before bed, prone to racing or anxious thoughts.
Personally, I can’t nap anymore. I love naps, but something about sleeping during the day presents a massive temptation for me and often results in sexual dreams. I have found I need to abstain from them entirely.
The media I consume affects my dreams, even if there’s nothing erotic in them. This is an ongoing area of discernment in my journey, and currently I’m fasting from fiction entirely.
Throughout the day I endeavor to keep my bedroom tidy and peaceful, which sends the signal to my brain, “this is a pleasant and safe place to be.”
At night…
I have a bedtime I strive to be loyal to. I used to stay up until I was “tired enough” to fall asleep, which resulted in lazy self-care and a lack of routine. Having a bedtime is the anchor that stabilizes my evening routine, and the routine itself gives me a sense of accomplishment and predictability. I’ve grown to love it!
I abstain from alcohol before bed. I find it not only lowers my inhibitions, it also results in low-quality sleep, which makes me want to nap the next day… and we’ve already established my personal trigger with napping.
I keep my phone on “do not disturb” and charge it in my kitchen at night. Emergency calls can still come through, but I no longer have the temptation to scroll at night or in bed. I purchased a cheap, battery operated, alarm clock when I began this practice, and after five years it hasn’t failed me yet.
Lastly, after pulling back the covers on my bed and getting comfy, I pray the rosary or meditate on Scripture. I have found meditating on the life of Christ right before sleep helps orient my mind, and subsequently, if the last thoughts I have in the day are about Jesus, I’m less likely to experience sexual dreams or nightmares.
If all of this seems like a lot, it’s because I’ve been thinking about it for the last five years; I have been gradually incorporating these practices throughout that time and discerning what does and doesn’t serve me in each season.
This has been an exercise of prayer and reflection, and what you find to support yourself will look different than what supports the woman next to you, including the things I mentioned above.
Now, what do we do then when, despite our best efforts, setbacks still occur or bad dreams still pop up? I have experienced both in this process of discernment, and I am still occasionally troubled by bad dreams.
This is what helps me orient myself away from them…
When waking from a sexual dream, I immediately place it in Jesus's hands with a prayer like this, "Lord, I can't handle this, please take care of me," or "In Jesus's name I rebuke this thought/dream." If this happens in the middle of the night, I grab my rosary and hold it close, and I really focus on the sensation of my fingers sliding over the beads, taking in that sensory comfort. From my bed I can see a crucifix, and I focus my vision there.
In the morning, I move straight into my routine—thanking God, getting out of bed immediately, making my bed—and then get into a new setting (this is often as simple as moving into the kitchen to physically distance myself from where the dream took place). It’s crucial for me to continue my morning routine even after a bad dream; if I let the bad dream impact my normal daily rhythm, I feel disheartened and like the dream still has a hold on me. If I follow my normal morning routine, each act in that sequence of getting ready for the day grounds me in reality and affirms for me that, by the grace of God, I can exercise my will.
If a setback occurred, I make scheduling confession a priority, and I continue praying in the meantime.
Once I’ve gained enough emotional distance from the event to think clearly (free of triggers), I reflect on what could have prompted the dream, or what actions could have better supported my mind. I like to do this with my husband, but this would be a great conversation to have with an accountability partner or trusted friend—an outside perspective can help notice patterns you might have missed.
If I have discerned potential triggers, I workshop interventions to avoid or lessen their impact and incorporate them into my routine—one small change at a time!
I recommend starting with one small change—maybe that’s a proper bedtime or meditative prayer before bed, maybe it’s something else entirely. For me, I started with making my bed; everything else on the list flowed from there.
Start with one small change and see where that leads you. My hope and prayer is that it leads you to peaceful and restorative sleep.