Courage in Singleness

I honestly never thought I would still be single at this stage in my life. 

Numerous narratives play in my head: some from the world we live in, some from family, and some from my own expectations. But God put me in this season of singleness for a reason, right? As I prepare for the coming holiday season, I find myself reflecting on how to live out singlehood well, not just this year, but in the broader season of life I find myself in.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church highlights a well-formed single life well in just one concept: community. 

“We must also remember the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live – often not of their choosing – are especially close to Jesus’ heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the Church.” —CCC 1658

We are all called to live in community, and that doesn’t change just because—as single women—we don’t have a built-in “social buffer.” Allowing ourselves to continue pursuing social activities not only fulfills our Great-Aunt’s pleas to “put yourself out there,” but also allows our hearts to be seen, comforted, and shaped by others in faithful community. 

There are going to be times when singleness is hard—when you feel the loneliness is the loudest silence you’ve ever encountered. I like to think of Jesus in these moments. Yes, He always had people around Him, but He was severely misunderstood by many. He was carrying the weight of The Passion long before the world was aware of it, and it was probably extremely, extremely lonely.

He might have felt that “otherness” we so often feel, but He also allowed Himself to be surrounded by people. When He needed support, He allowed Himself to receive it from the Father, from Mary, from Joseph, from his friends, and from the Apostles.

Other aspects of community to consider are self-knowledge and celebration. Once you have found a safe, faith-filled community, it’s cool to get to know yourself more. You get to know more about the people you like being around (and those you don’t) and how you interact with others. This is an excellent opportunity to develop social skills, discover who you mesh with, and gain a broader understanding of your temperament. And that’s certainly cause for celebration! You don’t have to wait until you’re married or in consecrated life to celebrate life achievements. Celebrate your birthday, passing a test, surviving the week, or going out and meeting a new person; whatever it is, do it with joy and gratitude.

Speaking of gratitude, seasons of singleness are great opportunities to deepen our relationship with the Lord. He gave you your desires. If you desire a relationship and marriage, that’s a good thing! We often forget the goodness of our desires when we are forced to live without their fulfillment; when we are actively fighting against the misconstrued aspects of them. However, they are good, and you can thank God for them as well.

Lastly, living as a single woman in today’s age comes with numerous assumptions, expectations, and identities. Remember, the Lord is the only one allowed to give you an identity, and it’s your responsibility to live according to that identity. You are a beloved daughter of the One True King. He created you with detail, love, honor, passion, and a purpose. Choose His identity for you and live it out with courage. 

It’s going to take courage to seek community; it’s going to take courage to sit in the loneliness; it’s going to take courage to engage in self-reflection, and it will undoubtedly take courage to live out the mission the Lord has so carefully crafted for you.

So I’ll leave you with this: when you’re sitting in your room and reflecting on how much you wish you had a relationship, thank the Lord for that desire and throw yourself into gratitude and community. When Great-Aunt Cathy asks you why you’re still single or when you’re getting married, I give you permission to say (and I’m pretty sure Jesus would agree), “I was given permission to run to the Lord with all my strength, and if a man can catch up with me, he can join me.” 

I’m praying for you all!

St. Mary Magdalene, St. Dymphna, St. Anne, St. Cecilia, and St. Therese, pray for us!